This article is a review of various sexuality self help books available on campus for students at Clark University. These five titles have been selected based on subject matter.
Sex matters for women
The book talks about orgasms, discussing the tyranny of the orgasm which is placing the orgasm at the center of human sexuality (Foley and Kope, 304). The book advocates for self-exploration and communication, assessing the benefits of embracing one's sexuality.
“Culture greatly influences sexual learning. Anthropologists [...] have noted that women coming from cultures encouraging sexual exploration and assertiveness experience orgasm more readily and with greater satisfaction than women coming from cultures that encourage modest, passive behavior” (306).
In regards to socialization the book makes an interesting remark when talking about women being too self-conscious to experience an orgasm. The authors suggest women can find it difficult to act outside of their gender. Their perceived and learned passivity might make them refrain from certain behaviors, such as moaning, because the lack of self-control associated with orgasms makes them step out of the imposed behavior for women (307).
Virgin sex for girls, a no-regrets guide to safe and healthy sex
Language is an essential part of cultures across the globe; messages based in language, as well as other forms of communication, carry specific cultural ideas. An interesting point this book makes in one chapter is in regards to our use of language - "since men have so many more phrases for masturbation, it’s obvious that male masturbation is seen as more important and acceptable in our culture for men” (Luadzers,156)
Phrases for women include self touching/loving/stimulation/pleasuring, paddling the pink canoe, rubbing off, combing the clit, vibrating offPhrases for men include jacking/jerking/beating/getting off, choking the chicken, spanking the money, beat the meat, flog the hog, relieving yourself, yanking the plank, bobbing the dolphin and many others (155).
The book is advocating that women realize their sexual potentials; they are encouraged to explore, to talk to their partners and are told that their sexual pleasure is important and given advice on how to increase the frequency of their orgasms. The male counterpart of this book, the Virgin sex for boys guide also focuses the discussion surrounding orgasms on the (assumed female) partner's pleasure and difficulties in achieving it. This may be because the experts recognize the disproportionately low rates of orgasmic response in females and by drawing attention to this matter they are educating couples on how to overcome this inequality in sexual pleasure.
Hooking up, a girl’s all-out guide to sex&sexuality
The book contains several personal anecdotes which help with connecting the reader and writer and establishing patterns for common experiences with female sexuality in hookup culture, the current cultural trend in young adults.
The author tackles the issue of gendered shame in regards to sexual self-exploration - “when I was younger, I thought that there was something very wrong about masturbating. Every time I did it, I felt guilty, dirty, and ashamed. [...] when all of my guy friends started talking about how they masturbated, I kept my mouth shut” (Madison,44).
Madison also hints at the linguistic gap in vocabularies and gendered expressions. “As a girl, it can be hard to talk about masturbation, even though many guys talk about it all the time. Maybe it’s easier for guys to talk about because they have eight thousand cool nicknames for masturbating.” (45) The language differences are reflective of cultural and social normative assertions about male and female sexuality. The society is, as Madison, states reluctant to talk about female masturbation; it is a bigger taboo than male masturbation in our culture (45).
Our reluctance to talk about female masturbation influences our perception of the process. Madison notes that our heteronormative ideas about sex make us believe female masturbation mimics penetrative intercourse (46).
Paradoxically, although female orgasms and masturbation are not socially acceptable, women are still expected to have or fake an orgasm. Most girls do not tell their partners they don't have orgasms because they fear that their partner will be frustrated and made to feel as a bad lover (46).
The good girl's guide to bad girl sex
The book begins with an anecdote of a young girl who is forced to display passive sexuality due to her gender "Do you want boys to think that you're loose? That you're cheap?" (Keesling, 5-6). However, the author proposes the model of the "bad girl", whose sexual pleasure is unbeatable "A fully evolved Bad Girl can have an epic sexual encounter in ten minutes, whereas a woman stuck in her Good Girl can have intercourse for an hour and still be left feeling unfulfilled" (10). The reader would gather from this introduction that the capacity to achieve orgasm under any circumstance is a matter of behavior. This assertion can promote self advocacy for women, but it also places a strong emphasis on always experiencing sexual pleasure. Women having inconsistent sexual experiences may feel as failures if they cannot manage to turn into a "Bad Girl" who is in charge of her sexuality.
The Bad Girl is declared as intensely orgasmic by Keesling (13).
The book continues to put the emphasis of sexual pleasure on women's capacity and responsibility to achieve. A chapter discusses Kegel exercises and explains a few routines. The author concludes by expressing her appreciation of Kegel exercises as they have "helped non-orgasmic women become orgasmic" (41).
One last discussion is on climaxing. The chapter begins with another personal anecdote - of a sexually dissatisfied woman (153). The chapter features 10 exercises with full explanations to maximize the potential for sexual pleasure and orgasms (157). It is interesting to note that 7 of the exercises are for women to practice on themselves and 3 for women to practice on men so that men may achieve orgasm, however there are no exercises any responsibility in the hands of men.
S.E.X., The all-you-need-to-know progressive sexuality guide to get you through high school and college
This work is highly praised by critics for being so comprehensive. Reading the sections on the "popular mechanics" of various sex acts, I decided to compare the sections on cunnilingus and fellatio. Comparing the two sections reveals some gendered ideas assumed by the author.
Firstly, the section on cunnilingus is shorter than than on fellatio. The section on cunnilingus gives specific, objective advice of what most women prefers and techniques (156). The tone is neutral, the information is factual. The section of fellatio is longer, assumes a more familiar tone and language and seems directly addressed to the female reader. While the section on cunnilingus seems to encourage the act, the section of fellatio has a passage addressing the myth that all men love receiving oral sex most of all (157). This specific passage is trying to educate women in thinking of oral sex as a practice that can be enjoyed by any and all genders (157). It is interesting that this note was included in the section with a female audience, while the section with the male audience did not address the gender disparity in performing and receiving oral sex. The general impression of the two sections is that men are not accustomed by performing cunnilingus on women, but most women have performed fellatio.
Reference:
- Corinna, Heather. S.E.X.: The All-you-need-to-know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You through High School and College. New York: Marlowe, 2007.
- Foley, Sallie, and Sally A. Kope. Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self. New York: Guilford Press, 2002.
- Keesling, Barbara. The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex: An Indispensable Resource for Pleasure and Seduction. New York: M. Evans, 2001.
- Luadzers, Darcy. Virgin Sex for Girls: A No-regrets Guide to Safe and Healthy Sex. New York: Hatherleigh Press, 2006.
- Madison, Amber. Hooking Up: A Girl's All-out Guide to Sex & Sexuality. Amherst, N.Y.: Prometheus Books, 2006.
